I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
