Say something about gay babies.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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