Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
