Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(303): View more from Colorado

He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?

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(513): View more from Ohio

direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN

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(650): View more from California

areolas are like halos for boobs.

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(386): View more from Florida

You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?

(1-386): View more from Florida

Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.

(1+44): View more from

Doesn't she keep a spare?

(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.

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(713): View more from Texas

My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal

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(207): View more from Maine

If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.

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(601): View more from Mississippi

I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs

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