Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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