so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
