doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
