i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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