dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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