she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
