Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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