just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
