Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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