She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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