my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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