my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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