So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
