I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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