I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Rumble strips road head = magical
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
