if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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