Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
