I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
