Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
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You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
50% drunk capacity currently
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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