his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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