I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
