Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
we made out on top of his cat.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
