i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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