I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
