so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
