i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
