She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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