I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
