There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
