Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Randomize
