The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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