if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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