the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Randomize
