so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
