In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
