She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
