he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I think my moral compass just broke
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
