I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
