I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
