maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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