I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
