The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Just high enough for therapy.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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