btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
