I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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