I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
