u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
