remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Four minutes until I can fart!
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Randomize
