what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
