All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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