My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
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At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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