apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
