I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I won't apologize to a one balled man
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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