Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
