Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
