so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
