i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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