Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
