I met the friendliest cop last night
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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