I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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