i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
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