I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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