what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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