I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
