ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Your cock deserves a montage
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
