I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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