Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
