honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
