My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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